breaking point
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: The captain that everyone knows is kind and hardworking, but Ryouma feels that that isn't the case at all…or is he an exception to the captain's rule? (Note: shounen-ai)


**fandom - Prince of Tennis**  
 **title - breaking point.**  
 **rating - pg-13**  
 **pairing - tezuka x ryouma (and some tezufuji)**  
 **description – The captain that everyone knows is kind and hardworking, but Ryouma feels that that isn't the case at all…or is he an exception to the captain's rule?**

 **Disclaimer – Prince of Tennis isn't mine. ^_^ I'm just a Tezuka lover spreading the love.**

 **breaking point.  
By miyamoto yui**

There was that look again.

Even though the captain's composed face was like trying to make a blackboard write by itself, there was something alluring, almost alarmingly inviting, about the coldness of that arrogance. He had his arms folded as he hugged his blue and white Seigaku jacket. Standing off to the side, he was surveying everyone's forms carefully, but his eyes would stop and look at him directly.

Even if it was for a split second, they'd exchange an unspoken word.

This made the boy tug on his cap as he swished from side to side, waiting for his opponent to hit the ball across the net. If he wasn't mistaken though, he swore the almighty captain was smirking at him, even if it was just a small smile trying its best to be held back.

His pride instantly made a walled defense.  
He definitely didn't like being made fun of, even if he admired the captain for beating him in their private match.

The boy didn't care who you were if you disrespected him. He played even harder, making his fellow team member jump around more than usual. He didn't apologize even though he felt a little guilty about it.

When practice was done for the day, he stayed behind to vent out his extra anger. And even though it was already reaching the early evening hours, he was still upset. The more he thought about those clever, penetrating eyes, the more he felt uneasy. More than anything, he didn't like feeling less than relaxed and self-assured.

Those eyes were like a vortex. Slowly but surely, you were being pulled in and you didn't know exactly where that would lead you. All you knew was that it wasn't a place you ever knew existed.  
It was a place where you'd be torn completely of everything because you'll have to start from scratch all over again.

Ryouma put down his racket and squatted a little as he pushed his palms onto his knees. He was panting heavily while focusing on the green floor before him with little droplets of sweat falling to the ground like sprinkling rain.  
"Damn it," he muttered under his breath.

What was this aggravation he was feeling? Why was it stripping his paper mache mask little by little? Wasn't he so happy to have an opponent like the captain?

Didn't he envy him because he admired him so much? Yes, it was true.

But why did he feel like the captain looked at him as if his feelings were printed on his t-shirt for him to read so openly? Why did the captain look so certain that whatever was going through his head was correct?  
Why did he feel like he was completely stripped naked in front of him?

And though there was nothing to be ashamed about, for the first time in his whole life, why did he feel like running away even though he wasn't scared?  
He wasn't afraid of the captain's abilities, but about how far he'd go to find out everything to achieve them for himself…

"Your feelings shouldn't rule over your play, Echizen. You're the controller of your emotions."

 _Easy for you to say._

"Tezuka-buchou…" The freshman was a little startled as he turned his head towards the left, at the captain who was standing a little behind him.  
It made him a little anxious as well. He completely didn't feel his presence.

He hated it when the captain did that.

"That was unacceptable behavior. For whatever reason, recklessness will not be tolerated on the court."  
His tone was grave as its warning made Ryouma's stomach churn a little. Being chastised was the worst, especially when you had no way to counter it. An "It's your fault" was totally out of the question, especially when there was no evidence of the crime of perversion being done.

At that moment, Tezuka took three steps forward and stood beside him. He placed his hand on his cap and took it off, putting the white cap on the other hand. Then, he patted the top of his head. "Relax, Echizen. Careless competition is different from being the master of your art."

"Yes, Tezuka-buchou," he said though it was strain to get the compliant response through his lips.

His head tingled from the captain's touch.  
That was normal. People were sensitive whenever you touched their hair, whether you were a boy or a girl.  
But this touch was different from that captain he was used to, even if the hand was as cold as jagged ice picks tickling his scalp.

Then, the hand was taken away and replaced by the white cap once more.

With nothing more to say, the captain walked out of the court and stole a glance of Ryouma, whose heart was beating so fast that he gulped with his back towards Tezuka. He took up his racket again in his left hand and a ball in the other.  
Again, he began to practice by himself.

For someone who tried his best to keep his cool all the time, it never worked around the captain. Because they were similar, the captain could read him.  
That's what that touch meant.

Pwack, pwack.

Tezuka's right hand cringed against the fence as he put his left one into his pant pocket. He earnestly watched the freshman who stood some chance against him. It made him ecstatic that there was someone else who could make him feel serious about tennis again. The excitement was almost too much to bear…

And for a moment, Ryouma's eyes watched the captain's, who was standing still behind the fence. He could still feel his fingers on the top of his head and the heat of his body was coming out through his cheeks.  
He turned away and began, futilely, focusing on his form.

 _There's more than one way to get back at you._

Tezuka's eyes became a bit smaller and he smiled smugly. He let go of the fence quietly and walked away before he'd start betraying his own words…

++++++++++

"As Inui says, you have to build up your stamina a little bit more," Tezuka said to Eiji as Eiji pouted and sighed. He shrugged his shoulders, and then he bounced back and smiled with a 'V' sign.  
Tezuka touched his shoulder and nodded. Then, he went up to each regular member and advised them one by one.

When he came up to Ryouma, he shook his head with a stern expression. He went up behind him and wrapped Ryouma's waist with his right hand on his stomach. He pulled Ryouma's back to brush it lightly against his chest. The captain's words tickled him as he told them monotonously into his ear. Their arms were stuck together as Tezuka made a swinging motion for Ryouma to follow, break, and make his own.  
"You are too tense, Echizen. You may be the perfect player who adapts all around, but you look too serious."  
"You're always serious, Buchou," Ryouma immediately retorted, wanting Tezuka to let go of him in this embarrassing position.  
"I couldn't teach you unless you felt what I was trying to tell you," Tezuka answered with a tinge of infuriation. "Being serious doesn't mean you have to look like you're in pain."

When Tezuka let go, he nodded his head.  
When no one else but him was looking, he smirked at him while heading towards Fuji.

Or was that provocation…?

 _It's getting harder and harder for me to forgive you._

When Tezuka went over to Fuji, Fuji was trying to perfect the form of one of his triple counters. Tezuka was poking him to stand a certain way while holding his waist and giving suggestions on how to get the best possible results without straining himself too much.

Ryouma was as confused as ever.  
How'd he ever think that the captain was giving him special attention even though he said, "Be the pillar of Seigaku?" How could he have thought that he meant anything more than that?

He had been overanalyzing his 'strategies' as he always had. There was no distinction at all. Whether it was school, tennis, or people, he was thinking all the time about how he would deal with them. And this time, he stepped into his own undoing, hadn't he?

Especially with that scene: Fuji-sempai laughing with a Tezuka who was chuckling with his eyes.  
It was a person he'd never seen.

A person…  
Deeply inside of his heart…  
…he wish he could see more of.

Maybe it was the perversity of seeing the captain uneasy because he wanted to best him in some way, but he was never so clear-cut with his thoughts and feelings towards this particular situation and this certain person.  
He was caught point-blank with the gun of realities ready to aim and fire into him.

Again, he stayed after school to vent-er, practice.

Ryouma took off his cap and waved it over his face. Then, his eyes looked up towards the coach's office as he put his cap back on. He thought he was imagining it, but he always felt like he was being watched. It wasn't that he felt any qualms about becoming Seigaku's pillar and that he had to keep up its high reputation, but there were times that he caught the captain watching him from that very window.

Or rather, was it that the captain _wanted_ to be caught staring?

 _I don't know what's going on in his head, but it's driving me crazy. I'm pretty sure everyone's feeling the same way, but not to the same degree as me.  
Not even close!_

It was strange indeed. The captain didn't come out to tell him something or didn't look at him today.  
Shouldn't he have felt relieved? Yes, he should have, but he wasn't.

In fact, he felt almost cross at this anomaly.

When he was done 'waiting' and practicing at the same time, he held his racket tightly in his left palm and walked towards the locker room. When he opened the door, he had a sick feeling in his stomach as he turned his head to find Tezuka-buchou sitting on a bench.

With Fuji-sempai wrapped on his lap.

Kissing one another.

"Hello, Echizen," they both said. Fuji turned his head to nod his head. "I'm sorry you had to see something this…intimate."  
Fuji-sempai was always good with words. Ryouma didn't want to deal with how careful these words had to be picked for this awkward situation.

He shook his head with a blank look as he laughed sheepishly. Catching his discomfort with his heart choking his throat, he said, "Sorry for interrupting."  
Mechanically, Ryouma got his stuff calmly, and then turned to leave without looking at them again.

He didn't want to burn more of this into his memory.

"Excuse me," he said politely while nodding his head to leave.  
"See you tomorrow," Fuji-sempai said with his melodious teasing voice, deep and seductive.

But when the door was closing, Ryouma heard, "You're awful for letting him go off like that, 'Mitsu."

Click.

Ryouma dragged himself all the way home. Even though he wanted to run home, he was trying to convince himself that it was no big deal. What he had heard and what he had seen were to serve as a wake-up call.

The white shirts on the floor, the half-opened school uniform pants…  
To see that passion before his eyes…  
To have the captain and Fuji-sempai dirtied in some way in his mind…

Especially Tezuka.

But this made him want him more…

He shook his head. He wanted to scream.  
He wasn't jealous and could this count as being hurt?

 _I liked him more than I thought…  
I didn't want him looking at anyone else. I realize that now.  
But it's too late._

Not wanting to talk to anyone for a little while, he wandered around and took the long way home. When he was turning the corner, he was trying to find an excuse for coming home so late. But there was Tezuka waiting for him at the front of his house.  
His feet froze for a second.

But his pride got the best of him again.

 _I can't let him think it affected me too much. That's what I decided.  
I'm not going to chase after his shadow anymore._

 _If I'm going to find out about the secrets of why he's so powerful, I'll find another way and not on the path that I'd been using._

He walked home nonchalantly, ready to ignore the captain or treat him as cordially as he always did. After all, he was learning a very important lesson, the one that the captain always tried to teach him: Keep your composure at all times. AT ALL TIMES.  
This was the test for that exam and he was going to pass, even if he was going to bleed to death from it.

"Hello, Tezuka-buchou," he said as he stood before him.  
"About earlier-"  
"Forget about it," Ryouma interrupted while shaking his head with a 'che' attitude which he tried so hard to pretend that the incident didn't mean anything.  
Tezuka-buchou took an unyielding hold of his wrist and said, "We're not going to 'forget about it'."

Ryouma resisted, but as they turned the corner, he finally threw Tezuka's hand away. In a loud whisper, he said, "I'm not going to make a scene and I'm going home now. Goodbye-"  
The captain leaned forward and whispered into his ear, "You disappoint me for giving up so easily."  
"You…" The freshman said with his jaws locked and gritting his teeth. He was manipulating him again!  
"You always challenge yourself by wanting something you can't have. That's the kind of person I've known you to be, but I never thought that-"  
"Fine." Ryouma took his collar into his fingers. "I'll go with you."

With that, Tezuka took up Ryouma's bags and took him to a small gym. They walked through the indoor tennis courts and walked upstairs to an empty studio. The owner, who was Tezuka's friend, gave him a key in case he ever wanted to practice overnight.

There was bathroom, a small kitchen, one couch, and a dining room table. It was all nice and neat, but when Tezuka flicked up the switch, he dropped their stuff to one side as Ryouma sat on the couch.  
Tezuka took up the phone and said to his parents that he'd be staying at the tennis center in order to practice and study in a place other than his room. Then, he called Ryouma's house to say that they were going to practice together.  
"I never said I'd stay here with you," Ryouma said when he got up while Tezuka was boiling water for tea.  
"Of course not." Tezuka replied as he ripped the tea bags and placed them onto the white counter. He didn't say anything more.

Ryouma stood there, staring at him bewildered at the predicament he found himself in.

But when Tezuka placed his hands on the counter and turned his head to look at Ryouma, Ryouma couldn't look away.

"What did you want to say to me? I want to get this over with so that I can leave."  
Tezuka stepped forward. He stepped backwards.

"You're lying to me, Echizen."  
"Excuse me."  
Tezuka took a hold of both of his wrists. "You and I are the same."  
It was getting harder and harder to look at anywhere but him. "No, we're not."  
"We want to become other people because we don't like all the pressure of the expectations put on us. Because of this, we're addicted to wanting things we can't have."

Tezuka was pushing him against the couch with his wrist to each side of his head. "To want people we can't have."  
"Tezuka-buchou…" Ryouma struggled in vain. "Let go of me!"  
"When you walked in on us, how did you feel, Echizen?"  
"Nothing!" He was disgusted and he closed his eyes.  
"Didn't you want to become Fuji at that moment?"  
"No, I didn't!"  
"Then, open your eyes and tell me the truth."

When he opened his eyes, Tezuka was giving that intense look of his. It was the one that he gave only when he was being serious about teaching you something, or that he was going to kill an opponent.  
Whenever he got bored, that flicker of intensity would dim just as quickly as it came…

…but here it was before him.

 _And he's looking at me this way._

"I won't bother you ever again if you tell me not to."

Ryouma then understood.  
He was chasing after the captain because he was someone that would be impossible to obtain. And to become like him was a challenge that he wasn't prepared for, as much as he tried to pull off a cool attitude about it.

He stuck out his neck as his words kissed Tezuka's ear. With a perturbed tone, he sternly, yet softly said, "I want you to bother me."  
His eyes averted themselves away, but he found the captain looking at him. And he wouldn't take him seriously if he looked away.

"I want you to always look at me with these eyes."

Tezuka's bangs went over his eyes as he bent his head forward to kiss Ryouma on the neck.  
"I can't hear you, Echizen," his deep voice purred as the vibrations of his throat touched Ryouma's skin. "Tell me again."

A little bit louder, he repeated, "I want you to always look at me with these eyes."

Tezuka's fingers went up his shirt as his knee gently pressed in between Ryouma's legs.  
"It seems like you want more than that, Echizen," he chuckled a bit as he kissed him deeply, pulling and pushing his tongue while undoing Ryouma's clothing.

"Unlike the court, I want to hear your voice nice and clear."  
"Is this the captain's order?" Ryouma teased.  
"Ah."

By this time, the kettle was whistling, but no one could hear anything in between all the heavy breathing and muffled screams…

As Ryouma sat on his lap sleeping, Tezuka held his lower back with his hands folded on top of the other. His eyes watched Ryouma, embedding his facial expression into his mind.

 _I've passed my own self-examination._

He smiled and kissed him on the forehead.

 _And I've trained you well._

/"You're sure you want to do this, Syusuke?" Tezuka laughed. "You know who I'll be thinking of if we do this."  
"I don't care." Fuji said as he put his arms over Tezuka's shoulders while looking at him, sitting on his lap. "I'm addicted to you."  
"But one day, I'll have him completely."  
"Until then, this is fine."  
"Maybe I should inform Yuuta about his brother." Tezuka pulled the back of Fuji's head and pressed it against his shoulder. "He should be prepared."  
"If only you could…" Fuji's eyes became downcast. "I love complicated things. It keeps my life fun."/

He held Ryouma tighter as the latter just dozed happily and deeply. While running his fingers through Ryouma's hair, he grinned even wider.

"What will be your breaking point?"

 _Make me the focus of your emotions.  
Give me all your hate, your hurt, your enjoyment, your happiness.  
Let me strip you of your inhibitions and mold you  
into the best tennis player and lover  
in the whole world._

 _(At myself having to hold back)  
Your torment is my pleasure.  
(At yourself trying to give back)  
Your contentment is in my voyeurism._

 _For in only through these constraints,  
within the mind and the heart,  
we build ourselves to break the caged wires that bind us  
or break ourselves with our very hands._

 _So, along the way, I shall enjoy you._

 _I'm very curious about what you'll do, Echizen._

"And so far, I'm so very proud of you," the ever composed captain commented with a satisfied smile and then licked his apprentice's ear lovingly. "Yes, very proud."

 _I know you will…  
Your value isn't in your ability to learn fast and adapt…_

 _With an all-knowing smile,_

 _my pillar must be able to_ endure _  
_ _ **Everything**_ _._

 **Owari.**  
 **-**  
 **Author's note:** I wanted to make something that wasn't so clean or so straight-forward. I'm pretty sure everyone experiences this type of thing in their lives.  
I love Tezuka. (Thus, you can imagine how ecstatic I feel every time I look at my blog because it's Takigawa Eiji. ^^v) No, no, I mean I LOVE TEZUKA. And to combine my love with psychotic characters, I wanted to see if I could pull off a really awful teasing Tezuka who's still in character, true to his stoicism. ^_^

Needless to say, even though it was really difficult to rack my brain to make this, I had a really, REALLY fun time doing this. I love Fuji, but I had more of a kick using Ryouma. XD

Sunday, June 19, 2005  
3:31:41 AM


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